software engineer warning/error

A software engineer was smoking in office.

Girl says, Cant you see the warning? “smoking is injurious to health”

the engineer says………..

We bother only about Errors not Warnings !!!!

Telephone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting…

On a Saturday morning…
after breakfast…

Dad:
People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum:
Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son:
Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.

Maid:
So – what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!

Boss Kidnapped, What 2 do?

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time…..

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss”

They’re asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they’re going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We’re going from desk to desk, taking up a collection.”

One Trainee asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?
‘
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“About 1 litre.”

Change your password! NOW!

Ramya was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call from her husband Karthi,

RAMYA(R): “Hello, yes Karthi”.

KARTHI(K): “Ramya, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail from that USconsultant I forgot to take it in my office”
(R): “Yes, I can, I need your password”
(K): “jeni22091980″
(R): “Ok fine”

She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind now.
JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm…

She decides not to discuss this with Karthi. She simply opens her mail box and changes the password from “mohan143″ to “karthiramya” and leaves for home!

MORAL OF THE STORY: Change your password! NOW!

The BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead: “I’m afraid he died last week.” she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.”I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
“I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?”

“Coz . . .” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it. . . .”

wise tips

3 Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily – You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily – You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly – You will die daily.
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A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
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One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY
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Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
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Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
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If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend – You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
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Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
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When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness – Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
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Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

Newton’s romantic laws …

Universal law:
“Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money “

First law:
“A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. “

Second law:
“The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. “

Third law:
“The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slap”

Funny jokes in school

Teacher:”What is your name?”.
Student:”Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.”
Teacher:”When I ask a question in English, answer it in english.”
Student:”My name is Sunlight.
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Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students
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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji’s hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma’m! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
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Teacher:”Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? “
Johnny:”Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.”
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Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Funny adult jokes

Judge: So, when did you realize that you were raped?
Prostitute: When the cheque bounced!
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Sign board outside a prostitute’s house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy
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Why did the English teacher slap Johnny?
Because Johnny asked her: Why is Bra singular when it covers 2 & Panties plural when it covers only one?
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Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,
But behind a SATISFIED woman, there are several EXHAUSTED men…
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A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector
Friend: How was your first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet.

Password Problem

Bhola calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with his password.
No, it’s not the usual caps-lock problem.
“The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” he says.
“Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains,
“so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”
“Yeah,” he says,
“but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”